Celebrity

1998
Director: Woody Allen
Cast: Kenneth Branaugh, Judy Davis, and Joe Mantegna

Plot: The fortunes of a husband and wife differ drastically after they divorce.

When You Don't Have Anything, There's Nothing to Lose!
by C. True

Celebrity follows two characters on opposing paths. Mr. Allen, as I’ll refer to him, starts out on top of the world being inexplicably seduced by a beautiful Hollywood starlet during an interview he’s conducting. Mrs Allen, his wife, starts out at a cheesy health spa where she’s trying to cope with the shock that Mr. Allen has decided to leave her. Both characters live in a delightfully disgusting world of actors, writers, models and just generally wealthy and spoiled people. Woody Allen probably has a good idea of what the bottom of the celebrity barrel looks like and about 99% of the characters in his movie do not have a single redeeming quality. While our main character Mr. Allen floats through this world he expects everything will go his way. He has ditched Mrs. Allen and is ready to really live his life, even write a successful screenplay or finally finish that 3^rd novel. Mrs. Allen on the other hand expects nothing to come her way; she thought she was happy with Mr. Allen and after that all came crashing down she has little hope left. It is in part these opposing views that lead to the opposing story arcs of our two main characters. The moral of Celebrity is that we can always be sure that our lives will always turn out in a completely different manner than we had expected. Mr. Allen expects it all yet he seems to blow everything that comes his way. A date with a highly orgasmic model ends poorly when he crashes his car and she screams about being linked to a drunk driver in the tabloids. The day he moves in with a beautiful supportive woman he has a chance encounter with a mystery lady he finds beguiling. He thinks this much younger girl has got to be the girl of his dreams and he only need reach out and grab her. So he ditches the women he’s just moved in with to be with a complete stranger, who of course turns out to be a selfish adulterous wench. Winona Ryder plays this character beautifully and she seems the most realistic of the ugly narcissists that inhabit this movie. While Mr. Allen plunges deeper and deeper into the abyss, Mrs. Allen expects catastrophe at every corner but seems to have things go her way. When she goes in for an embarrassing consultation with a plastic surgeon she by chance meets a nice man in television. When she has cold feet and leaves this nice man at the altar later in the movie, she goes an informative fortune teller who tells her she was a shmuck but it’s ok because the guy is great and he’ll forgive her. And he does. When Mr. and Mrs. Allen finally cross paths again at the end of the movie she is the host of popular television show and married to the producer who loves her, and Mr. Allen is by himself with no new accomplishments to speak of. And it feels great because Mr. Allen really is a total jerk and its entertaining to see him really get what’s coming to him. Of course this is nicely balanced with the more positive encounters involving Mrs. Allen.

Kenneth Branaugh really plays one of the most wonderful incarnations of the Woody Allen character, and he's so striking it almost doesn't feel like ridiculous male-wish-fulfillment when beautiful women are attracted to this winy neurotic man. You could not discuss this movie without mentioning the cameo by Leonardo Di Caprio because its simply great acting and highly enjoyable to watch.